A fantastically wordy and dick-wavy article has just appeared on The Guardian website about how fake news websites are ‘corroding democracy.’ Thanks for that. 

Once again, at Southend News Network we are struggling to contain our amazement at this conclusion. A mainstream news outlet is saying that fake news outlets ‘are bad mmmmmkay.’ Fucking hell, never saw that one coming. 

What this journalist manages to say in roughly 500,000 words is what a lot of other people have been saying. In a lefty nutshell, he is alleging that fake news article won the election, and also that Facebook needs to be held legally accountable for the content that gets posted on there. 

If you listen very carefully, you just heard Mark Zuckerberg shit himself. While he is frantically scouring Silicon Valley for a clean pair of corduroys, this could be a good time to point out that Mr Guardian Writer (he could easily be from Leigh On Sea, just look at him) has missed the point slightly. 

Let’s just suppose for the sake of argument that websites like Southend News Network won the election for Trump (we’ll take our cheque now please). Our heinous crimes aside, we should now point out that if we all go down this road then mainstream media outlets should be sleeping with one eye open. 

Brexit is a great example here. Recent Lego-haters The Daily Mail managed to incite a huge amount of racial tension during the referendum campaign with an unbelievable amount of bullshit, and The Express wasn’t  much better. In particular, they said ‘Talks with Turkey will start in days’ when they were trying to scare us all to vote ‘leave.’

The Mail wanted us to think that a ‘remain’ vote would whisk Turkey towards EU membership in the time that it takes Ali Baba’s in Southend to chuck a lamb shish together when the pubs chuck out on a Friday night. Yep, you guessed it, bollocks. 

We can even use an example from The Guardian (ironic isn’t it?), and one blogger managed to take an article about the war in Syria and pull it apart. It would be hilarious if it wasn’t such a tragic subject matter. 

More importantly, as we have already pointed out on a number of occasions, people voting for Donald Trump got Donald Trump elected. The generally ‘dodgyness’ of Hillary Clinton got Donald Trump elected. The pointless scaremongering of the Clinton army got Donald Trump elected. Moronic Americans got Donald Trump elected. 

Fake news sites may have influenced an opinion here and there, but we are not a valid scapegoat. If we produce fake news, it is called ‘fake news,’ but if mainstream media outlets do the exact same thing it is called ‘spin’ or ‘bias’ – does anyone else think that this fucking stinks?

Apologies for another bout of navel gazing in the same manner as our rant at Tom Watson the other day, but this stuff needs to be said. This is why we are banking on our pop music strategy taking off!