A leading expert in the field of mental health has been hailed a hero today after it emerged that he has invented a drug-free cure for depression that takes just THREE SECONDS.
Southend burger van owner Dave Fringe, 48, told Southend News Network that he invented the technique when his daughter was diagnosed with severe depression after she went through a relationship breakdown in 2015.
Dave said: ‘She was just moping around the house and bursting into tears every five minutes, and so I decided that enough was enough!’
‘I sat her down one day and just said ‘cheer up for fucks sake,’ and all of a sudden she looked at me and said ‘thanks Dad – I’m all cured now.’
‘I’m going to contact my local NHS mental health department and see if they will have me in to administer the same treatment to others – all of these other so-called professionals prescribe costly drugs and just sit and talk for hundreds of hours, but it’s taken a humble market trader to find the real cure.’
‘I’ve actually cured a second person as well just a few days ago. I was walking through the town centre and another young girl was crying on the floor about something or other.’
‘I told her that she was too pretty to be depressed, and she laughed and gave me a big hug and said how grateful she was that I made her feel like an object again.’
A spokesperson for the renowned medical journal The Lancet said that this could be a ‘monumental breakthrough’ for the mental health treatment profession.
He added: ‘This is an exciting time, and there is no reason why Mr Fringe’s technique couldn’t be used to treat other conditions. ‘Just go out’ could knock the shit out of agoraphobia, and a short, sharp ‘don’t panic’ could make anxiety a thing of the past.