A spokesperson for a consortium of all South Essex supermarkets has confirmed that supplies of milk have now reached critical levels due to ‘excessive panic buying’ in anticipation of snow later today.

According to Nathan Goldtop, many stores are limiting customers to one half-pint container per visit. 

He said: ‘We have been forced to collectively take measures to stop people panic buying milk due to fears over the approaching thundersnow.’

‘We do have very healthy supplies of alternatives such as almond and rice milk, which is hardly surprising really.’

‘Rice milk also lasts longer than any other type of milk because no bastard will drink it.’

We caught up with Southend shopper Elaine Hyperbole who was leaving Tesco Extra on Prince Avenue with 400 loaves of Kingsmill. 

She said: ‘It always pays to stock up in situations like this. There’s just me at home, and although I only have a small freezer I still predict that if the worst happens I should still have a five-year supply of toast.’

‘Some git took the last 38 jars of lemon curd though. No bloody consideration for other people.’

Waitrose confirmed that while they are not rationing milk at the present time, they have been forced to prioritise supplies for families with children attending after-school karate sessions.

Lidl and Aldi also hinted that extra cows are being flown in from The Netherlands to keep up with demand.