Some prat who you spoke to for about three minutes at school once has just proposed to his girlfriend on Christmas Day and plastered it all over Facebook.
Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to Southend News Network, he confirmed that he was ‘pretty sure’ that he was the first person ever to do so on Christmas Day, therefore making him the most thoughtful and romantic man in the history of the universe by default.
He added: ‘I have a load of friends who are either single or dealing with recent messy break-ups – yep a photo of the rings and a group of long and wanky hashtags should pull them right out of that funk.’
‘Both of us shared it ten minutes ago and we’ve had like a hundred likes between us all ready. The social media attention is sustaining us – how the hell did people manage twenty years ago?’
‘The great thing about this is that I can use the ‘on this day’ feature on Facebook to remind everyone about this moment on an annual basis every fucking year until I die.’
A spokesman for Facebook confirmed that he is indeed the first person to ever propose on Christmas Day and stick it all over Facebook.
He said: ‘The originality of it all has left everyone at Facebook HQ in a stage of complete shock.’
‘He even confirmed that she said ‘yes,’ which is groundbreaking in itself as he would have hardly put a status up saying something like: ‘She said no – off to eat four layers of Milk Tray and jump into the sea.’
Our interview was cut short by a number of loud gasps in the office as a woman from Essex decided to announce that she was pregnant.