A radio station in Essex has been fined by Ofcom for not playing Despacito by Luis Fonsi every seventeen fucking seconds. 

According to documents that we have seen, Essex Choons FM will face the £20,000 penalty after an incident was noted on Monday morning.

The notice states: ‘Our investigators noted that a playing of Despacito ended at 9.42am and three seconds, and as is now law in the United Kingdom it was followed by another playing of the same bastard song.’

‘However, a double glazing commercial meant that the repeat didn’t begin for 34 seconds – this is double the allowed gap between Despacitos.’

‘Ofcom takes this infringement of broadcasting law very seriously, and the full extent of the law has been applied with a fine.’

‘There now follows a three month probation period. If our investigators notice that Essex Choons FM plays any other track in this time the station will be closed down, and we will personally murder all of the presenters and their families.’

‘With the full backing of the government, we are taking these measures to make it perfectly clear that Despacito must be played repeatedly until the British population goes to bed at night with the song permanently embedded into their mortal souls.’

‘It’s all ethnic and shit which makes it a prime example of cultural enrichment.’

‘Apart from the fact that the lyrics are about smashing the bejeesus out of some mini-skirted Latino sort, it’s a great little tune for the kiddies as well.’

Ofcom currently has the legal authority to impose the fines after the so-called Crazy Frog Act was passed through Parliament in 2003.