Police officers attended an incident in the Westcliff On Sea branch of B&Q earlier today after a man was spotted ‘having a poo’ in a display toilet that formed part of a bathroom suite that was for sale.
According to witnesses at the scene on Monday morning, 32-year-old Michael Throop was observed ‘defecating’ in a pristine white ceramic Armitage Shanks Excelsior 3000 loo that was clearly not connected to the mains.
A number of young children also saw the drama unfold.
Witness Barry White said: ‘A young male started acting strangely and shuffling around on the spot in front of the dado rails, when suddenly he shouted and ran towards the bathroom display area while unbuckling his trousers.’
‘From the cry of relief that he emitted, it’s clear that he was suffering from a ‘shart’ – this is when flatulence develops further beyond the point of mere gases.’
‘The poor fellow was clearly pushed over the precipice on this occasion, and the worst part was when he tried to flush and the cistern just made a dry clunking noise.’
‘I’m not sure how he didn’t realise that it wasn’t a real toilet. He had to tear off a ‘Buy Now Pay Later’ garland that was holding the seat and lid together.’
A spokesperson for Essex Police said: ‘Officers attended the incident and reminded store management about the need for clear customer convenience signage in all areas.’
Officers were called to the neighbouring Early Learning Centre in 2015 when a 19-year-old student tried to make double egg and chips on a Chad Valley kitchen playset.
He was caught while trying to get away in a Little Tikes coupé.