Parents at a Southend primary school have been reacting angrily after they were told that their children are being forced to learn the traditional Christmas nativity play in SEVENTEEN LANGUAGES this year. 

According to the headteacher of Prittlewell Mound Junior School, the crazy decision has been made to help emphasise this year’s school theme of ‘Christmas For All.’

Dr Orson Robert-Neek said: ‘We will be holding seventeen nativity plays during the final two weeks of the school term – each of them will celebrate one of the officially-recognised languages at Prittlewell Mound.’

‘We have children between 7 and 11 years old, and this is the perfect age to promote a bilingual lifestyle.’

‘We have had all of the songs and the script translated professionally, and a team of specialist language teachers has been recruited for the entire Autumn term – we have managed to allocate the necessary funds from our regular resources budget.’

‘The children have loved picking up so many new ways of singing Little Donkey, although the Polish and Arabic versions of Away In A Manger have been tricky to rhyme properly.’

‘Our original plan was to replace the Christmas nativity with something else that has more of a multicultural theme, but I am delighted that we can now continue this fantastic British tradition.’

‘We welcome pupils and families from all sorts of backgrounds, and there will be a nativity for everyone this year – even the single child who can only communicate in Swahili.’

‘Some of the computers got upset that we didn’t include a binary version, but you have to draw the line somewhere!’