Catering industry experts have admitted that they are ‘baffled’ by a practically empty Southend pub that is currently quoting a 45-minute wait for cooked food.

A table of concerned diners raised the alarm at lunchtime today after they were informed of the long wait even though they were the only people eating in the whole sodding place. 

Customer Daisy Doodee said: ‘There must have been four waitresses, five bar staff and three people cooking in the kitchen. It’s mind boggling.’

‘How long does it take to throw some chips and fish fingers in a deep fryer? Seriously.’

‘It was bad enough that it took me twenty minutes to separate the high chairs and detach my three-year-old from the carpet when he fell over.’

Morgan Gooten is a professor in Faffonomics from the University of Barking, and he told Southend News Network that the issue is a growing concern is establishments employing twelve-year-old amoebas and calling them ‘chefs.’

He added: ‘Many chain restaurants are finding it difficult to strike a balance between good food cooked in a reasonable time and the pressing economic need to pay kitchen staff fuck all.’