A member of the public whose NHS treatment was ruined by sweeping funding cuts in the NHS has told Southend News Network that the only sensible resolution will be an enormous cash payout from the NHS for any suffering caused. 

Nathan Grasp was admitted to Southend Hospital for pioneering anus realignment surgery in October 2015, and he believes that massive government funding cuts meant that he didn’t have three lingerie-clad nurses giving him a bedbath simultaneously. 

He added: ‘My treatment was appalling because this story government has slashed NHS spending to the bone.’

‘Therefore, in my opinion the only way to make things better for anus realignment patients in the future is for the hospital to give me a massive cash settlement. That should improve treatment for thousands of people.’

‘If this was BUPA, I would have received the personal attention that I deserve.’

A spokesperson for Southend Hospital said: ‘We can confirm that Mr Grasp has been offered an out of court settlement for a figure that we are not in a position to disclose.’

‘All we can say that this stage is that we have been forced to cancel a couple of orders for MRI scanners and some petty stuff like bandages and breast cancer medication.’

‘By diverting funds from unnecessary areas such as patient care, we are confident that we can build an NHS for the 21st Century.’

In a separate development, an unconfirmed source has confirmed that a young mother is also suing Southend Hospital after a Caesarian section displaced a bellybutton piercing by 0.5mm.