A 32 year old man from Southend has been hospitalised with ‘severe anal trauma’ after allegedly trying to force a poo just minutes before weigh-in at a local Slimming World meeting.

According to witnesses, Harry Monk was ‘desperate’ to lose every last ounce before getting himself weighed at the Shaun Goater Sports and Social Club on Fairfax Drive this evening.

He was heard making a number of ‘concerning growling noises’ before letting out a huge shriek in a toilet cubicle.

One said: ‘It honestly sounded like Bigfoot’s wisdom teeth were playing him up in the cubicle.’

‘Suddenly, he started screaming, and so we kicked the door down and there was a terrible mess in there.’

‘When the ambulance arrived, they knew straight away that his rectum had fallen out.’

The club’s manager Stephanie Dawes said: ‘We don’t advise our members to try and do some sort of last ditch bowel movement as fecal matter is actually incredibly light.’

‘It won’t make any difference at the weigh-in, even if you are a mature male rhino.’

Another member of the club said: ‘You never get anything like this at Weight Watchers, but then again they can’t eat unlimited amounts of pasta so they’re pretty regular.’

It is the second worrying incident in the space of a week at an Essex slimming club after one slimmer in Chelmsford stripped ‘bollock naked’ on the scales to try and counteract the Greggs sausage roll she had for lunch.

Police were called shortly afterwards when fighting broke out because a member had lost two pounds even though her week had included two Chinese takeaways and a night on the sesh.

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