This is a developing story after it emerged that a 25-year-old man has become TRAPPED in a Southend pub toilet cubicle without any paper.
Network engineer Perry Stalsiski, a Polish national who has lived in Southend since 2015, phoned our Newsdesk from the toilets of The Ravenous Pony pub restaurant on London Road shortly after 1pm on Tuesday afternoon as the pub manager wasn’t answering his phone.
The latest news on this breaking story will be displayed at the top of the list below. Please keep refreshing for the most up-to-date facts as they come in from the scene.
14:59 – That concludes our live coverage from the scene. We wish Mr Stalsiski and his family well.
14:56 – The emergency is now over, with Mr Stalsiski being offered a ‘warm enema’ to clear what has now become a ‘mixture of solidified and fresh matter.’
14:50 – The emergency services have now arrived at the pub and have located Mr Stalsiski’s cubicle using thermal imaging equipment and plastic explosives to make an opening. Unfortunately they were unable to forewarn him of the blast and the sudden noise forced him involuntarily into a subsequent bowel movement.
14:46 – Social media activity around this story is buzzing, with the hashtag #poopaperforperry now trending.
14:42 – Efforts to use materials from Jugs Monthly have failed after it emerged that the glossy finish used on the pages makes them entirely unsuitable. In addition to this, any motivation to ‘knock one out’ has been counteracted by the fact that there is no toilet paper, and he feels that any such activity would make the situation worse.
14:40 – According to Reuters, Mr Stalsiski has located a rolled up copy of Jugs Monthly that was concealed behind the cistern. There is some hope that he will be able to improvise with pages of this publication.
14:30 – We have spoken to the United Kingdom’s leading rectologist Dr Bill Oughnott who said that there could be ‘severe medical implications’ if toilet paper doesn’t arrive soon, including the need for skin grafts because of an ‘impossible wipe scenario.’
14:10 – A further phone call from Mr Stalsiski was short as he admitted that he is currently finding it ‘difficult to breathe’ due to the ventilation in the cubicle.
14:00 – We have managed to make contact with the pub manager Arnold Rimm-Block, however he is not in a position to assist as he is dealing with a customer complaint after they were served Pepsi having asked for ‘Coke.’
13:40 – A witness at the scene has confirmed that he arrived with a replacement toilet roll for Mr Stalsiski, but it was impossible to tell which cubicle he was in as the doors were fitted from floor to ceiling and other customers were also present.
13:30 – Our Chief Reporter has been trying to give him advice on possible improvisation strategies, but he has established that it wouldn’t be practical to remove his polo shirt at the present time as it is a company-issued garment that would be deducted from his wages in the event of a replacement.
13:06 – He has also confirmed that Monday night’s dinner consisted of an unusually large order from Domino’s Pizza that he thinks has contributed to his current predicament.
13:02 – Mr Stalsiski has confirmed that there is no toilet paper in the dispenser, and furthermore he is currently unable to temporarily zip up and move to another cubicle because of the nature of the bowel movement in question. He said that there was ‘an immediate need to wipe.’
13:00 – We have received a distressed phone call from a man who is trapped in a toilet cubicle at The Ravenous Pony restaurant pub in Southend without any toilet paper. More to follow …