A spokesperson for Channel 4 has confirmed that The Friend Zone will be added to all new episodes of The Crystal Maze from 2018.
According to a statement that has been released today, the section of the gameshow’s studio lot will include a variety of physical and mental challenges that all revolve around the theme of a 35-year-old virgin who is fed up with being ‘such a good mate and listener but not someone who is going to get any tonight.’
He said: ‘The Friend Zone will bring The Crystal Maze bang up to date with life in modern Britain, and every challenge will resonate with all the bros who have been there and felt the pain.’
‘For example, male players will have to endure a 90-second hug from an absolute sort with plenty of back stroking without developing even the slightest hint of a boner – that will get them locked in.’
‘Although we have to keep most of the details under wraps, we have already held a pilot of this game and it works very well.’
‘We have also developed one endurance challenge where competitors in a fake bar must pretend to give a toss about some bellend called Darren who is ‘thick as shite’ but must be hung like a Blackpool donkey or something’.
A source within the show revealed that the producers rejected a number of ideas before making this decision, including one called ‘The Zone 1 Zone’ where players have to complete challenges while dodging wankers with briefcases, scolding cups of Prêt-à-Manger coffee and Japanese tourists with massive SLR cameras.
The news comes in the middle of a number of changes at Channel Four – we reported recently that Diane Abbott will soon be replacing Rachel Riley on Countdown.
We also revealed a few months ago that a police investigation is underway after it was confirmed that a number of contestants on Knightmare in the 1990’s didn’t come home.
Operation Treguard is ongoing.