Safety officials have issued an urgent warning about the dangers of exposed guntage in hot weather after a two-year-old child was trapped between a man’s stomach and his upper pelvis for THREE HOURS on Saturday morning. 

Fire crews from all over Essex were scrambled to Southend Seafront shortly after 10am after multiple calls from members of the public to say that a small boy’s legs were seen dangling from underneath an obese tattooed gentleman’s stomach while he was walking a Staffordshire Terrier called Tyson.

Michelle Garridge was enjoying the fountains with her son Beepi when she witnessed the ‘horrific incident.’

She said: ‘This weather brings out the usual shirtless male brigade in Southend, and I spotted a very large gentleman who was on an obvious collision course with a little boy who wasn’t looking where he was going.’

‘He seemed distracted by a toy grabbing machine in an arcade that was playing the ‘instant replay’ song.’

‘Suddenly, the dog pulled away towards the shared space in the middle of the road and the little boy walked straight into him sideways-on.’

‘The force was so severe that his head, chest and lower torso ended up wedged between the underhang of his stomach and his upper pelvis – all I could see were two legs while he was frantically trying to escape.’

‘Luckily we managed to get a long straw from Costa Coffee so that he could breathe until the emergency services arrived.’

Chief Fire Officer Trevor Evans told our Chief Reporter that the incident was an ‘almost tragic reminder’ about why people should just put a fucking shirt on.

He said: ‘We have issued clear safety messages in local media about the dangers of exposed gunts when they are small children around, but yet again the desire for a tan has almost ended in tragedy.’

‘It took eleven officers to free the poor boy today, and we also had to get specialised hydraulic equipment from Milton Keynes.’

‘If he had been wearing a simple t-shirt, the young boy would have simply ricocheted off and flown through the glass of a 2p pusher.’

‘It’s not just men who need to be careful. Last week a little girl had to be treated for concussion after she received a severe blow to the head from a 75-year-old woman’s left tit.’

A spokesperson for Southend Council confirmed that extra Street Rangers will be patrolling the Seafront over the Bank Holiday weekend to issue advice to anyone with exposed guntage, canklage, or ‘loev/haet’ tattoos.’