Police in Southend are carrying out an investigation after a Dry January participant was found face down and unresponsive in Southend High Street on Tuesday evening. 

According to doctors at Southend Hospital, the 24-year-old female was in the advanced stages of acute smug poisoning. 

Lead clinical clinician Dr Kurzal Masif said: ‘Unfortunately, this is a dangerous side effect when you suddenly give up drinking alcohol and feel the need to tell everyone about it at regular intervals.’

‘Every single Facebook, Twitter and Instagram update with a wanky hashtag about #healthyliving or #sobermememe releases a potentially lethal dose of the hormone narcissium into the user’s bloodstream.’

‘If she had included a picture of her going for a run with one of those water bottles that has the silly fucking cucumber compartment in the middle, we could be dealing with a fatality.’

‘Toxicology tests have suggested that this victim may have been posting up to eleven times a day.’

‘We have been in touch with the victim’s friends and family, and seven of them have said that his constant boasting on social media has actually driven them to hit the bottle.’

In a late development, Dr Masif also confirmed that three Veganuary participants are in the hospital’s Critical Care Unit. 

He added: ‘One minute you’re Snapchatting a lentil burger in a Leigh restaurant, and the next you’re fighting for your life. People need to be aware of the risks.’