The President of the United States Donald Trump has announced that Transformers will not be allowed to serve in the US Army with immediate effect.
Speaking at the annual Fuch-Weet Congress On International Military Policy in Chicago, Trump said that Transformers were ‘expensive and disruptive.’
He added that they could easily be reprogrammed to turn on their generals as well.
He said: ‘I watched a documentary about these Transformers and one fellow called Optimus something or other went haywire.’
‘He could easily be reprogrammed by ISIS or IKEA and run amok. He would do bad things, terrible things, awful things, awful, awful things.’
‘Also it’s very hard to keep tabs on them. One minute they are a car, the next they are a big gun, then all of a sudden they could be a waffle toaster or something.’
‘Bad, bad things.’
Mr Trump was asked about other possible military exclusions in the future.
He said: ‘Thundercats are an absolute no, but She-Ra is welcome any day of the week to fight for her country.’
‘She is the perfect All-American girl. Wonder Woman as well. We should look her up.’
After the outcry that followed his speech, a spokesperson for Trump insisted that the President’s comments had been taken out of context.
White House Press Officer Nathan Fuqual said: ‘Although his comments may have sounded bigoted, ill-informed and generally fucking pig-ignorant, the reality is that they weren’t at all.’
We asked Mr Fuqual what the president’s stance would be on The Raccoons.
He replied: ‘If you are going to start throwing around racial slurs this press briefing is over.’