A spokesperson within the US Department of Defence has confirmed that a ‘significant number’ of naval vessels are to be sent to the Rainbow Islands, with a view to send in enough troops to replace the current ‘despotic regime’ with a US-friendly administration.
Although current intelligence is described as ‘patchy,’ senior Pentagon sources have confirmed that scientists working for The Dark Shadow have developed nuclear weapons in spite of numerous UN sanctions warning them against developing their own atomic defence programme.
General Blitzo Kapowski III Sr told an assembled group of reporters that the situation had recently deteriorated to a point where it had become necessary to take ‘immediate and decisive action.’
He added: ‘We keep seeing the word ‘NICE’ on surveillance footage and we believe that it is some sort of coded message. Our specialist team within the CIA is currently trying to figure out what it means.’
‘Our forces will not rest until we have returned democracy to these islands and liberated the poor oppressed people who spend their whole lives being forced to jump from one platform to another slightly elevated platform.’
Critics of the plans have repeatedly stated that any sort of military action will be motivated by the vast mineral reserves that are located on the islands.
Dr Roger Robotnik of the University of Thorpe Bay said: ‘The islands have more diamonds per square kilometre of land than any other territory on the planet.’
This operation will be monumentally important for Trump’s administration as it is still reeling from the ‘limited success’ of a recent attempt to apprehend the infamous Mario Brothers who are currently top of the FBI’s Most Wanted list for narcotics offences.