A spokesperson for The White House has promised an urgent investigation after it emerged that Donald Trump signed an executive order imposing a travel ban on all white Americans entering the USA.
Speaking at a press conference, Dan Bazuko said: ‘We are desperately trying to get a full picture of events here, but it seems that an intern has sabotaged the Presidents pile of executive orders and inserted a sheet detailing that no white American should be allowed to enter the country.
‘Mr Trump is so busy that he doesn’t usually have the time to read all executive orders before signing, and so as is traditional he has inadvertently signed the prank document.’
‘As the ink is now dry on the paper, it cannot be revoked without it being contested by judges of the Superior Supreme Super Court of the USA, and they are currently all on a training course about workplace first aid techniques.’
‘They will be sitting again at the end of April.’
Our Chief Reporter visited Terminal 5 of Heathrow Airport where there are currently more than 5,000 citizens of the USA waiting for permission to return home.
An emergency holding camp has been established in Slough, but it is approaching capacity and a neighbouring facility in Hatton Cross is also struggling to cope as more and more middle-to-high income Americans are arriving every day.
Nate Kablammerton has been awaiting security clearance to return home to Chicago for 24 hours now, and he told our Chief Reporter that he was forced to sell his MacBook Air Pro just to feed himself for the week.
He said: ‘Nobody knows when we will be allowed home, and because of our president’s mistake I am being forced to live in terrible conditions.’
‘My cousin is currently in the same situation in Germany as he is on a business trip, and the Sheraton Düsseldorf has already run out of Club Level rooms.’
‘Once his reward points balance runs out, I fear for his very existence.’
In a late development, it has also emerged that another prank executive order passed through Trump’s hands undetected.
If the president’s latest mistake cannot be reversed, the country shall be known from this point forward as ‘Oompa-Loompa’s Tiny Hand Wankywankland.’