A 26-year-old dad of three from Southend has been celebrating today after managing to pump exactly £45.00 of diesel at his local Shell garage.
Recently separated David Tickover told Southend News Network that it was ‘now or never’ for his achievement in supreme concentration as his inability to stop the flow of diesel at a precise moment has already cost him his home and his marriage.
He said: ‘I have been driving for six years, and it has always been 3p over or 4p under. I’m sorry to say that my wife left me for another man with perfect hand-eye coordination, and this made me realise that I needed to take drastic measures.’
‘When the staff at my local Shell garage told me that they were unwilling to help, I found a remote Buddhist monastery in Tibet where I would be able to develop this vital life skill through a mixture of spiritual soul-searching and pioneering ADHD medication.’
‘I spent three years in this Himalayan retreat, and as an added bonus I have also been promised that I will be reincarnated as a Costa Express machine.’
We went along to watch Mr Tickover’s latest attempt to fill his car with an exact amount of diesel.
While we were talking, one female admirer at the scene admitted that she had ‘never been more turned on in her life.’
22-year-old personal trainer Kelli Witheneye added: ‘If he puts that much attention into filling his car, he must be an absolute beast between the sheets.’
‘I hate guys who can’t last long enough or go for too long, and he knows exactly when to stop. His ex-wife must have been crazy to chuck him in, what a bitch.’