A new mum from Southend has admitted that she has been forced to put SOME SEAFRONT GUYS on her new baby’s birth certificate under the section that says ‘Father.’
Speaking to our Chief Reporter, 24-year-old Cheryl Woodrange said that the ‘unusual decision’ will give her baby boy the best possible chance of tracking down his father when he grows up.
Ms Woodgrange said: ‘I honestly cannot pinpoint who Lambrino’s father really is, but I do remember that he was conceived during a fifteen-way behind the amusement arcades on Marine Parade.’
‘DNA tests cost a bomb these days unless you can get on Jeremy Kyle, and so I feel that this will allow him to find his daddy when he is old enough to truly understand the circumstances behind his start in life.’
‘To be fair, I really should have got a better look at the guy on top of me at the vital moment, but my sister was Snapchatting me a topless photo of Channing Tatum to get me ‘over the line.’
‘Everyone down the seafront has really been fantastic since Lambrino was born. I don’t think that any child has ever had so many grandparents to spoil him rotten.’
A representative of Southend’s Child Welfare Protection Team confirmed to Southend News Network that their officers are aware of Cheryl’s case.
Jessica Smooshington added: ‘We are doing everything that we can to assist this brave young lady, but we also need to send a serious message to other young girls in her position.’
‘She told us that the potential father of Lambrino said that he couldn’t wear any kind of protection because of a crippling case of ‘penile claustrophobia.’ Our doctors have confirmed that this condition doesn’t exist.’
A source within Essex County Council’s Registration Service told our Chief Reporter that ‘abnormal entries’ on birth certificates are becoming more and more common.
She added that the most troubling recent case was when a woman from Basildon listed her baby’s father as ‘father.’