A new study by the University of Barry has found that 86% of all Welsh speakers in the United Kingdom are just making it up as they go along. 

According to Professor Thomas Jones who lead the research, most outsiders don’t detect that anything is wrong as it sounds half-plausible in any form. 

He added: ‘I was watching an episode of Pobol Y Cwm on S4C about a year ago and while I was listening to a couple of people talking in the village shop I remember thinking to myself ‘no way is there a verb and a noun in that lot.’

‘I decided to try and look into this further, and initially it was very tough as there are currently only 17 actual speakers of the Welsh language in its purest form.’

‘However, once we managed to find someone to help us out, we then asked her to walk around Aberystwyth with a microphone and secretly record people speaking. The results were shocking.’

‘In one example, a policeman spent fifteen minutes reprimanding a speeding driver, and the only word she could make out was ‘toaster,’ or it might have been ‘knickers.’

‘After this, we conducted an experiment where every Welsh-language road sign in Machynlleth was replaced with words describing parts of male and female genitalia.’

‘At one ‘Give Way’ junction, ‘ILDIWCH’ was replaced with ‘SACH CAILL’ (ball sack) and it went unnoticed for three months.’

We asked Professor Jones if there could be any other reason why people didn’t want to complain. 

He said: ‘Even if you are fluent in Welsh, a lot of the words are only pronounceable with a severe sinus infection.’