A number of world leaders have been describing their shock this evening after it was announced that Clippy the Microsoft Word paperclip has died from a heroin overdose in his Essex home.
Shortly after 9pm on Monday evening, an unofficial source on Twitter posted that Clippy had passed away peacefully of natural causes, and around an hour later it was confirmed by his manager Nathan Outlook that he had died from an overdose of heroin and a number of other recreational drugs.
He added: ‘His very public struggle with his drug demons is something that every Word user needs to take responsibility for. Everyone lost sight of the the fact that he was only trying to help.’
‘Thousands of people would have accidentally formatted their CVs as three-fold brochures if it wasn’t for him. Unfortunately, he never made the transition to cloud-based computing like a number of his competitors, and the last Tiny PC with an old enough copy of Word installed to use him blew up last Thursday.’
‘He wasn’t prepared for retirement, and employment opportunities for cartoon paperclip are few and far between. There was talk of a trial period with Sky+HD a while ago, but he managed to scupper that opportunity by turning up drunk and high before telling a young child watching Mr Tumble that he would also enjoy Babestation.’
His long-term partner Bonzi Buddy was unavailable for comment, with a close friend appealing for the public to ‘allow him to grieve in peace.