Leaders from 120 different nations are arriving in Bildabair, Switzerland this evening ahead of the 2016 ParkCon Summit – the global summit about tackling the problem of drivers abusing Parent and Toddler spaces that takes place every two years. According to analysts, the main topic this time around will be how to implement criminal charges for people who use these spaces when they don’t have any young children, and child age limits are also set to lead to a major row between Russia and North Korea.
Our political reporter Noel Fanjato said: ‘There is a very strong rumour that the King of Sweden is going to suggest Europe-wide exemptions for anyone driving a Volvo to try and boost worldwide sales, and David Cameron has already said that he will renew the current arrangement allowing BMWs and Land Rovers to use the spaces under any circumstances when shopping in a mid or high-level UK supermarket. French President François Hollande will be keen to avoid a repeat of last year’s national parent strike when a farmer left his tractor across three parent spaces while buying a new mop, and the Nigerian delegate will be keen for trade sanctions to be lifted after the recent scandal of corrupt trolley attendants in Abuja turning a blind eye.’
On Sunday, Waitrose CEO Sir Charles Charles is likely to get a hostile reception as this year’s guest speaker – the British supermarket chain recently admitted that they were powerless to stop 80-year-old Daily Mail readers from abusing Parent and Child spaces with their 42-year-old beret-wearing children called Hermione and Tobias. Trade ministers from Colombia have already threatened the John Lewis-owned retailer with a levy on Coffee exports over the situation, and trade analysts have predicted that the government’s approach could force Waitrose to cancel their free hot drink promotion to MyWaitrose card holders.