Football fans in Southend will soon have a second team to support after an announcement was made today by a group of ‘unhappy’ Southend United supporters. 25 business owners have come together to form an entirely new football club called Southend Wanderers, and they are already confident that they have the funding in place to help the new club rapidly climb the football pyramid with an ultra-modern new stadium and big name signings. According to Nigel Whonge, chairman of Southend Wanderers Holdings Limited, the new club even hopes to poach Phil Brown as the new manager by having the word ‘Wanderers’ in the name.
Mr Whonge welcomed the Chief Reporter into his plush new office that overlooks Southchurch Park – this is the proposed location for a multi-purpose 68,000 seater stadium that will replace the current Southend Manor home ground. He said: ‘People are totally fed up with the way that Southend United is run, and to cap it all off this season has felt like the team has been going backwards after coming up from League 2 last year. We have come together to offer fans a real alternative, and Southend Wanderers will climb the non-league pyramid quickly by buying experienced players on high wages and operating a loss until we hit the big time. Our new stadium will be state of the art, and we have already come to an arrangement to expand Southend East station to cope with demand now that planning permission secured for our new home at Southchurch Park. Southend United will probably want to groundshare when they see what we have to offer!’
He continued: ‘By announcing that we are going to build a stadium and then actually building it with seats running down every single side, we feel that we can offer Southend United supporters something new and exciting. We feel that Fossetts Farm just doesn’t make sense financially, while the so-called Southchurch Arena is ideally located in the middle of a heavily-populated area of Southend – this will make it simple for our new local fans to reach us. We are already confirmed in the 2016/2017 KFC Essex Combination League Division Four, and this is where our amazing journey begins! I predict that we will reach The Football League within six years, or perhaps it will be even faster if we start giving every team an absolute hammering due to having some of the finest players out there. Financial Fair Play rules can’t restrict us down here, and we know from history that fortune favours the club owner who just throws large amounts of money around. Roman Abramovich has nothing on Southend Wanderers!’
Phil Brown was unavailable for comment, mainly because we didn’t ask him.