The county of Norfolk has been in deep shock today after a majority of the county’s population of Turkeys voted for Christmas in a historic referendum result.
After months of campaigning, every eligible avian individual was given a simple choice between voting for or against the existence of Christmas, and almost 52% of all voters chose to continue supporting the annual December festival that involves hundreds of thousands of them being killed and having a variety of breadcrumb or nut-based pastes stuffed right up their bottoms.
Jeremy Gobbleton is leader of Vote Xmas, and he told Southend News Network that this was a victory for every Turkey who wants to ‘take control of their own destiny.’
He added: ‘As of now, every Turkey in the land can hold his or her head up high and say ‘YES! Please kill me and stuff things right up my bottom. It’s an honour.’
Political analyst Clive Dindon told our Chief Reporter that a high turnout amongst older Turkeys aged 3 or above was probably the deciding factor in the referendum.
He added: ‘A lot of the younger chicks feel like the decision has been taken out of their hands and it is highly likely that they will be taking to the streets of Great Yarmouth, Cromer and Norwich to express their disgust.’
Colin Nutroast is the leader of XmasXit, and he said that this was a ‘dark day’ for Britain’s Turkeys.
He said: ‘This whole result is based on a lie. We’ve all been lied to. There has been a great deceit on a general level.’
‘On the whole, I can think of a million things that I would rather do than be killed and have three packs of Paxo roughly pushed up my bumhole.’