The sex worker at the centre of the allegations that Donald Trump paid a prostitute to urinate on a hotel bed used by the Obamas has said that she only did so because the president-elect was ‘too tight’ to pay for her top-tier service known as the ‘Brown Derby.’

Svetlana Tenaladyski told our Chief Reporter that apparently $250 was pretty much his limit for what he referred to as ‘extra curricular spending.’

She said: ‘He may be a man of huge wealth, but he is also someone who spends every penny like it is his last.’

‘That must be how he made his way to the top of the business world. He is definitely someone who just sticks to the basics.’

‘I have some clients who ask me in advance for the top-level Brown Derby service, as I usually need a few hours’ warning for dietary reasons, but beforehand he made it perfectly clear that this was off the table.’

Representatives of the intelligence services within Russia have said that this dossier about Trump is ‘just the beginning.’

One anonymous source told us that top Kremlins executives have a wealth of compromising information about a number of influential political figures. 

He added: ‘We have CCTV footage of Jeremy Corbyn unleashing a horrendous fart in a Westminster elevator knowing full well that David Cameron was just moments away from getting in.’

‘The look on Jeremy’s face said it all really as he got out. It must have made his porcine liaison smell like a trip to a Norfolk lavender farm.’