A spokesperson for Tesco has announced a huge recall of all Peppa Pig ice creams after a young mother from Southend On Sea noticed that they were POSSESSED by a demonic spirit called Nigel.
Speaking exclusively to Southend News Network earlier this afternoon, 26-year-old Jessica Adams-Jones told our Chief Reporter that she had never been so frightened in her entire life.
She said: ‘I didn’t notice anything strange about them when I purchased them from my local store in Southend, and I just put them in my freezer as normal.’
‘However, last night I was awoken by a rumbling sound at around 2am, and I walked down to my kitchen and noticed that there was green smoke bellowing out of my freezer.’
‘I opened the door and one of the Peppa Pig ice creams jumped out and started making a ghastly noise while bouncing off the walls.’
‘It kept screaming ‘show me the muddy puddles, for I am Nigel the demonic possessor of Peppa in ice cream form – all shall bow down before I.’
‘I just whacked the heating up at that point and they all melted, but the whole experience has left me a little shaken up to be honest.’
‘I returned what remained of the box to Tesco the next day and the woman working on the customer services desk didn’t look too interested.’
‘The lady behind me in the queue told me that she was trying to return a pack of Billy Bear ham where the head on each slice kept rotating around 360 degrees while bellowing ‘fuck me sideways’ over and over again.’