The First Minister of Scotland Nicola Sturgeon has called for an urgent referendum after Scotland failed to qualify for the 2018 World Cup in Russia.
Speaking in front of supporters outside the Pipedoon Arms, the pub in Glasgow where Sturgeon had been watching tonight’s match against Slovakia which sealed their fate, she confirmed that voters across Scotland will take to the polls to see if they should just travel to Russia anyway and sneak into the group with the worst security.
She said: ‘I have listened to the people of Scotland who have been yelling tonight about not going to Russia next year.’
‘I heard one guy bellowing: ‘We deserve to be fightin’ fur the big waan aye’ and this was enough to convince me that a referendum is the only way forward with this.’
‘In the event that there is a majority ‘YES’ vote, or something approaching what could be considered to be a majority, or one person in the Outer Hebrides votes ‘YES,’ I will instruct Gordon Strachan to prepare a squad and head on over there next year.’
‘One bad batch O’ Haggis and a whole team will be sidelined, paving the way for the Scots to take their place and march onto eternal glory.’
‘If Gordon isn’t too keen on the idea, I’ll just send one of our greatest ever footballing minds over there to do the job instead.’
‘Sir Alex Salmond has already agreed to this and he would make a fine coach. Have ye seen how well he claps in rhythm?’