A representative of the pro-remain campaign group Students Against Brexit has said this morning that the victory for Vote Leave was ‘almost certainly’ down to a low level of turnout amongst under 5’s on the day that the nation went to the polls. According to SAB, there was practically a 0% turnout of voters between the ages of 0 and 5, and this is after factors such as ‘nap time’ have been taken into consideration.
SAB chairman Lawrence Fosters-Ashtray said: ‘It is disgraceful that we are turning on the elderly in this country when the real villains of the vote are the under 5’s. Although we are still waiting for complete data on this issue, we can say with 100% certainty that hardly any voters in the 0-5 age bracket bothered to go to the polls and vote. We appreciate that there may have been some sort of Paw Patrol marathon on TV that day, but the polling stations were open from 7am until 10pm for that very reason.’
He added: ‘The biggest frustration for us is that this particular age group are usually even more pro-Europe than the population of Gibraltar. They are aware that pan-European shows including Bing and The Twirlywoos could be removed from the CBeebies schedule in the event of leaving the EU, and existing European Council vinyl legislation has allowed thousands of soft play centres to flourish in the UK – there was simply too much at stake here for the under 5’s to vote ‘out.’
We asked Mr Fosters-Ashtray if this particular age group could expect any retaliation from wider society. He said: ‘If I am being honest, we have instructed our membership to keep any protest as peaceful as possible – however we cannot be held responsible for any actions taken by the more militant and non-affiliated splinter group The Provisional SAB. We are disappointed to hear that a number of individuals have picketed outside nurseries this morning to prevent deliveries of Frubes and Dairylea Dunkables from getting onto the premises, and as a responsible activist I must appeal for calm on all sides.’