On Friday 3rd September, Southend News Network published a story about one of the researchers for Britain’s Got Talent being tricked into thinking that the Chief Reporter of the company was a burlesque pole dancer called Krakin’ Kat with an extensive back story. 

Furthermore, it was also explained at the time that Kat had been forced to give up pole dancing due to a severe case of vertigo, and she was invited to audition accordingly. 

Southend News Network has received legal communication about this matter. Therefore, we are legally required to point out at this stage that it was friggin’ hilarious, mainly due to the fact that the Chief Reporter sounded like an amateur transvestite on the phone.

Furthermore furthermore, it was still waaaay funnier when we made Katie Hopkins think that the M25 would be shut for a whole week so that a great big endurance race could be held.

Unfortunately, to provide total clarification on this matter, the Chief Reporter will NOT be attending the audition in drag due to an ongoing knee complaint. 

Please continue to address all enquiries and threats of violence to [email protected] 

Alternatively, all written letters can be deposited under Southend Pier at the beach end – collections are made weekly.