3 year old Ben Scooze from Southend was celebrating today after his mum screamed ‘YOU AIN’T GETTING NOTHING’ during a heated argument inside a town centre toy shop.

Witnesses told Southend News Network that Ben’s mum Shontol was looking at her smartphone while walking around Toys Planet with him and his four brothers, and the shocking outburst happened after he excitedly spotted a talking version of one of the Twirlywoos from CBeebies.

It later emerged that Shontol was stuck on a particularly tough stage of Candy Crush Saga at the time.

Young hero Ben said: ‘Mummy was very busy with her game on her phone, and I saw Chickedy and Chick in the shop and I love the Twirlywoos loads and loads and they are my favourites.’

‘Mummy was spitting at me and she screamed SHUT UP BEN YOU AIN’T GETTING NOTHING NOW YOU LITTLE SH*T in her biggest outdoor voice.’

‘We have been learning all about things that move, dinosaurs and misused double-negative clauses at nursery this week, and so in reality I am actually going to get something as one negative term cancels out the other.’

‘I tried telling Mummy that she should have used ‘are not’ or even ‘you’re’ instead of ‘ain’t,’ but she just told me to stop talking or she would have me taken into care.’

A spokesperson for Toys Planet said: ‘We would like to offer Ben a whole box of talking Twirlywoos toys as a reward for his excellent understanding of the subtle nuances that have crept into Estuary English.’


  1. Quite right to.

    His mother’s use of language and grammar was so appallingly you would be forgiven for thinking he was in Pitsea not Southend.