A spokesperson the the European and Global Culture Capital Designation Society has confirmed that the town of Southend On Sea has been SUSPENDED from all future European and World Capital of Culture competitions. 

The shock announcement came after a number of actors from The Only Way Is Essex visited Southend Seafront on Wednesday.

EGCCDS Chairman Harold Zimpleten said: ‘Iur rules are perfectly clear on this matter. Any village, town or city is eligible to enter until the local government administration seeks to gain exposure from any TV show where the average viewer has an IQ that is lower than a plastic spoon.’

‘We watched some episodes of The Only Way Is Essex at our Switzerland headquarters three months ago. Our Chief Executive Officer is still in a coma.’

Southend Borough Council’s Reality TV Outreach Officer Jemima Strawclutch spoke to Southend News Network to apologise for the situation.

She said: ‘Every week, we are treated to scenes of the golden streets of Brentwood and Laaaaaaaaghton, and I guess I just pictured Southend without 5000 phone shops – m enthusiasm got the better of me.’

‘Being suspended from the Capital of Culture contests will hurt Southend for a while, but we can still dream of becoming a city one day.’

‘Achieving ‘city’ status will solve all of our problems overnight. People don’t seem to realise that.’