What will happen to Southend's summer economy if MPs vote to destroy ices today?

A number of traders on Southend Seafront have come together to warn consumers that the local economy may be ‘destroyed beyond all recognition’ if Parliament votes to destroy ices today – MPs will be debating the issue in a marathon 10 1/2 hour session.

Brian Cornet, owner of Soft To Hard Ices on Marine Parade, feels that MPs need to realise that tens of thousands of people visit Southend every summer to sample one of the famous ices. He said, ‘All we keep hearing from David Cameron at the moment is that he is determined to destroy ices – is there no area of industry that he hasn’t set his sights upon yet? Our ices pose absolutely no threat to anyone, and all he can come up with is that they are a definite threat to our national security – if anything he should be thinking about doing the same to cans of fizzy drink instead as one of these could concuss a man or woman.’

We also met with Colin Flake who is in charge of Gelatoverload American-Style Sugar Scoops by the Pier, and he is adamant that the government has a hidden agenda when it comes to eradicating the nation’s seaside shops. He said, ‘Just 12 years ago, we watched in horror as E Rock on Eastern Esplanade was attacked night after night, and it turned out that their Weapons of Mass Confection probably never even existed. Why are they making the same mistakes again?’

In a late development, it is rumoured that Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn will favour a diplomatic approach to dealing with ices, including the guarantee that sauce and chopped nuts will be ‘available to all’ and ‘included in the basic selling price.’