While the electrified zig-zag lines are worrying a lot of parents and teachers, local officials feel that drastic action is needed to deter illegal parking.

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Local parents and teachers have expressed concern after it was announced that a group of schools within the borough of Southend are to take part in a trial of electrified zig-zag lines outside of schools. It is hoped that the new measures will help to stop the recent rise in motorists that are parking on these lines when dropping off their children at school or picking them up, but the main worry for most people is that the lines will not be able to tell the difference between a vehicle and a child.

A spokesperson for the borough-backed Safer Schools Parking Consortium said: ‘With the recent scrutiny of how our town’s CCTV vehicles and Civil Enforcement Officers are allowed to operate, we are now in a situation where something decisive needs to be done to stop parents parking on zig-zag lines when signs clearly indicate that this is prohibited. Therefore, our research team has developed a revolutionary new type of line that delivers an electric current when it comes into contact with a car tyre. The electricity starts out at a low level that is just enough to make the whole car ‘buzz’ unpleasantly – this is the warning to move away from the area. After around 20 seconds, the current increases to a level where the tyres will burst, and we have conducted tests to prove that any humans left inside the vehicle will remain unharmed. We had a couple of fatalities while testing the technology with Smart cars, so we would advise owners of these vehicles to avoid the lines altogether.

Although the smart sensors near the lines are able to detect the difference between a human being and a vehicle, an insider source at Buzzoff (the company who helped to develop the lines) has admitted that there are some teething problems that are yet to be resolved. They said: ‘As late as last week, tests of the electrified zig-zag lines in a remote Yorkshire village didn’t go to plan. A pair of the sensors thought that a local pet cat was a Nissan Micra and the current was activated immediately – it was the first time that I have ever seen a cat go ‘woof!’

Despite the initial problems, local officials are keen to proceed with the trial, and local resident Samantha Standov agrees. She said: ‘Living in Manchester Drive in Leigh is a constant nightmare with the amount of traffic that is generated twice a day by Darlinghurst School – I really hope that it is one of the chosen locations for the electrified zig-zag trial. A few days ago, the problems really came to a head when a parent parked in my living room and just got out with her children. As they were walking off towards my front door, she insisted that she would only be three minutes, but she returned more than 90 minutes later holding a take-away cup of coffee and admitted that she had also been to a Zumba class.’