A spokesperson for Southend Borough Council has confirmed that all Capri Sun juice pouches have been banned from local authority schools – these include infant, primary and secondary locations. 

According to Southend education bosses, the decision has been taken after a parent complained that the pouches are promoting the idea of knife violence and stabbing from a young age. The ban will come into effect from the first week of the new school term in September. 

Southend LEA President Sir Nigel Nougatti said: ‘It is with regret that we have been forced to introduce a total ban on Capri Sun juice pouches as a result of a parent complaint.’

‘The individual was concerned about the idea of puncturing a soft and squishy surface with a sharp straw as it mimics the look and feel of pushing a blade through human flesh, and we consulted our team of expert educational psychologists before coming to this verdict.’

We asked a local primary school teacher if she had noticed any problems with Capri Sun pouches and further violence in the classroom or the playground – she has asked Southend News Network to remain anonymous. 

She said: ‘Most of the time, we only have problems with very young children who are unable to get the straw in by themselves, but usually it is because they are trying to insert it the wrong way up.’

‘However, last year I did notice one of our more troubled 7-year-old boys squirt the juice from the pouch all over his desk before he shouted out ‘That’s what you get bitch – snitches need stitches!’ – it is possible that this parental complaint may be something to do with that.’

Our Newsdesk received an email from Mortimer Pearce who claims to be the parent who made the original complaint, and he is adamant that Southend Borough Council has made the correct decision. 

He said: ‘We see so many stories in the news about older children and young adults getting involved in knife violence, but from a very young age we are encouraging them to stab Capri Sun juice pouches with a sharp straw – no wonder they are growing up with these images in their heads.’

‘I’ve even heard stories of some kids who enjoy watching all of the juice run out of the pouch, and I am convinced that they could be the killers of the future.’

As part of an investigation, Southend News Network contacted 50 adult prisoners within UK custody that had been convicted of a knife related offence. Shockingly, 39 of them admitted to drinking at least one Capri Sun pouch per week during childhood. 

On the flip side, the other 11 said that they often got frustrated and used a pair of scissors to remove one of the corners.