Take that childhood obesity! School leads the fight by relocating to Two Tree Island.

After the recent announcement that a school in Basildon will be banning energy drinks in order to improve behaviour, Southend News Network can EXCLUSIVELY reveal that a Southend school (they cannot be named for legal reasons) has decided to move their premises in the fight against childhood obesity.

The school, which is currently located within three miles of a number of sweet shops, kebab shops and petrol stations, will move their classrooms individually to Two Tree Island which is located off the coast of Leigh-On-Sea. The headteacher has explained his decision to Southend News Network.

He said, ‘We have noticed that childhood obesity is a growing problem within our school. Every day, we observe that a number of parents are allowing their children to enter premises and buy unhealthy food on the journey to and from school. We have already instructed all of our local lollipop men and ladies to wave their sticks angrily at families when they see a packet of Monster Munch or a Double Decker, but this has only led to angry confrontations. Therefore, it is time for drastic action.’

He continued, ‘By relocating our school to a barren wasteland that is almost cut off from the rest of civilisation, we are sending a clear message that buying junk food before and after school is no longer acceptable. If children start to pester their parents for something to eat on the trip home, their only options will be to chew on some long grass, or perhaps a nice mushroom. We already have statistics that show that children who eat grass are 21% more attentive in class, so there will be huge long-term overall benefits – even if we have to displace thousands of protected birds and other species that are fundamental to conservation work.’

In a late development, Southend News Network understands that the local council has granted planning permission for the move, along with 15 other applications from Tesco Express to build outlets on the island.

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Comments

  1. They better be careful driving down there in the dark that they don’t nearly drive into the sea!