Residents of a previously peaceful street in Southend have been describing how they have been living in ‘constant fear’ since a new family arrived in January. According to a number of people in Bournemouth Park Road, the family’s pet cat Reginald has been leading a ‘campaign of terror’ ever since they moved in, and the UK’s leading feline behaviourist has declared that ‘Rowdy Reg’ is the country’s most aggressive puss.

One resident, who didn’t want to be named, told Southend News Network’s Chief Reporter that everyone is fed up with Reginald’s unruly ways. He said: ‘Within a week of arriving in the area, he managed to convince 14 different families that he was homeless and starving, and I guess that this power must have gone straight to his walnut-sized brain. Although everyone knows who he is now, people who refuse to feed him have had their plants destroyed, and he has recently started his own doorstep deliveries that are a nightmare to clean up. We had an Indian family move in down the road a couple of weeks ago, and Reginald just stands on their front path and makes sinister hissing noises for up to an hour every day. He may have right-wing motives as well as whenever they try and feed him he just stands over the dish and moves his right paw backwards like he is covering up a little tray turd.’

Dr Shawn Kulinka is a leading academic researcher in Feline Radicalisation and Behavioural Patterns from the University of South Benfleet – he feels that Reginald is simply a ‘misunderstood little kitty.’ He added ‘I think that a lot of residents are being harsh in this situation. Moving into a new area can be a very stressful time for any cat, and he is simply trying to make his way in a cruel and uncertain world. Any so-called ‘racist’ behaviour is worrying, but people need to remember that Reginald was born in 2011, and it was a different time back then.’

Steven Chipboard is the Neighbourhood Watch lead for Bournemouth Park Road and Cluny Square, and he disagrees with Dr Kulinka’s findings about Reginald. He said: ‘Local estate agents have been telling me that house prices are down 25% because of Reginald’s behaviour, and one viewing had to be cancelled last week when he fell asleep in a communal doorway where everyone was too scared to wake him up. Things got out of hand yesterday when he became the first cat ever in Southend to just jump in and land a punch during a fight – most local felines just stand in front of each other and make silly noises until one or the other gets bored and walks off for a snooze.’


  1. How can this cat be described as misunderstood when (I am told) it carries a flick-knife and knuckle dusters?