Officials in Southend have urged residents to remain calm after thousands of locals decided to head north today – fleeing South Essex residents told Southend News Network that there are ‘serious concerns’ about the supermoon getting so close to Southend that it will collide with the seafront.
Chantelle Funtwick told our Chief Reporter that she was taking her three young children to stay with family in Sheffield because she fears for their lives.
She added: ‘Last night was too close for comfort. As the sun was setting, I could see that the moon was getting closer and closer, and I heard that it will be even closer to Southend tonight.’
‘Everyone keeps telling me to calm down but I saw that Bruce Willis documentary about this kind of thing last week. All of our politicians have been distracted with Brexit and Trump and I bet nobody has a plan in place to blow up the moon if it comes to it.’
‘I worry about all of the idiots who are staying behind and what I will have to come home to. I’ve not even finished decorating the toilet yet.’
A spokesperson for Essex Public Safety confirmed that there is no cause for alarm, but general advice has been issued for anyone who is concerned about a Moon-Earth collision.
He added: ‘Even if the supermoon enters the earth’s atmosphere, tidal gravity will mean that there is a 94% likelihood that it will end up in the ocean.’
‘We have instructed Southend Borough Council to check all existing seafront drainage as a precaution just in case the moon lands in the Thames between Essex and Kent.’
‘Unfortunately they have informed us that the drains are the responsbility of Anglian Water, who in turn said that they are the responsiblity of Essex and Suffolk Water, who in turn told us that they are the responsibility of Southend Borough Council, who in turn told us to bugger off.’