A 21-year-old man was so devastated after missing out on a ticket for V Festival in Chelmsford this year that he decided to recreate the whole experience at home by urinating on himself and then inhaling Cillit Bang powder. 

Martin Bojangle from Fairfax Drive told Southend News Network that the whole process felt ‘amazingly authentic,’ and his neighbours even called the police to ensure that he didn’t miss out. 

Martin said: ‘I didn’t get a ticket to V Festival this year as I was asleep when the website opened, and ever since that awful day I have wondered what I could possibly do to make things right.’

‘I read on an Internet forum that Cillit Bang is far easier to get hold of than horse tranquilliser, and so I decided to give it a go – it cleared my sinuses right up.’

‘Breathing easily was just a small part of it though, and I just chucked on some Justin Bieber and started running around the lounge like a giddy little teenage girl.’

‘After that, the next seventeen hours were a bit of a blur, but I remember waking up in next door’s greenhouse covered in my own piss. A police officer was giving me some advice about my general behaviour which I thought was a really nice touch.’

‘I did suffer some side effects however when I came down, and they really should put something on the pot to warn people about using it as a psychoactive substance.’