Coming soon to Southend .....

In an announcement that has been praised by the Pro-Essex and Anti-Immigration group Essex First, Southend businessman Steve Black has revealed that he will soon be opening the first branch of Bulldog’s Car Wash – a vehicle cleaning facility where all staff are both white and English.

Mr Black met a Southend News Network reporter to tell us more about his new venture. He said: ‘I have heard too many people in this town say that they are sick and tired of having their cars cleaned by immigrants with a limited command of the English language, and so I have identified a real gap in the market here. Professional and detailed cleaning treatments will start from £55, and our research shows us that people will be willing to pay a little bit above the going rate to have their car cleaned AND understand the general car wash banter at the same time.’

He added: ‘We are keeping the exact location of our first site top secret at the moment as the local council sometimes blocks permission for our group meetings at the last minute – we want to make sure that we can open up without any objections from the community.’

The venture’s co-investor and Essex First founder Stuart Brown emailed us to say: ‘Just drive along any road in Britain and you will see car wash after car wash filled with non-Essex people who are taking jobs away from those born and bread (sic) who desperately need them. We’re not being all rasist (sic) and saying that they can’t work, but we do think that people at home in Syria or Afghanistan need their cars cleaned too.’

Westcliff motorist Barry Sovereign has already said that he will be one of the first customers when they open for business. He said: ‘It will be an honour to put some money back into the hands of a local businessman – too many shops and companies round here these days seem to be ‘ethnic food this’ and ‘money transfer that.’ When are we going to see some more charity shops or used furniture traders?’