Two members of the club who have now been BANNED by Southend Council from gathering on the seafront.

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Little Tikes car enthusiasts from across the UK have vowed to ‘join together and fight’ against Southend Council after the local authority took the decision to obtain an injunction preventing a planned cruising event on the seafront tonight. 1000 members of the British Little Tikes Car Club had made arrangements to travel up and down Southend seafront tonight from 7pm-9pm, and then space had been cleared outside Gentings Casino for them all to park up and show off their hard work and dedication to other toddlers with the same love of plastic vehicle modification.

Charlie ‘Dribbles’ McCarthy, the group’s 3-year-old president, contacted Southend News Network to express his disappointment and outrage. He said: ‘Around 1000 of us had made plans to sneak out after our parents have gone to bed and cruise on down to Southend seafront to show off our pride and joy. We have been organising these events for years, bringing thousands of pounds into the local economy and causing no problems whatsoever, and I have recently purchased the £59.99 deluxe model from Asda and spent an extra £3000 on a 2000W sound system and a nitrous tank. I really wanted everyone to see how much time and love I have put into my car, and now some bigwig at the council decides that we are ‘a credible threat to public safety’ or some old bollocks like that.’

A source at Southend Council confirmed that the injunction had been taken out. Their statement reads: ‘We can confirm that a special injunction has been taken out against gatherings of more than five Little Tikes cars within the Borough of Southend. When they were last in attendance in December 2015, traffic was backed up from Chalkwell Beach to Shoebury Common in both directions – this was mainly due to the number of motorists suddenly needing a nap or a change of underwear. With their parents potentially hundreds of miles away and not knowing that their infant children have gone off on a car cruise, this is simply a matter of upholding our duty of care.’

A local police officer added: ‘We are delighted that this anti-social behaviour is being tackled at the very highest level by Southend Council. In August 2015, a Fisher Price tricycle caused £300,000 worth of damage when it span out of control and smashed into Rossi’s, and the less said about the 2014 Smart Trike Shakedown the better – some areas of Thorpe Bay are still uninhabitable after all.’

The group’s 2-year-old treasurer Maisie Poopage added: ‘I agree that some of our members go a bit mad and annoy the public with burnouts and J-turns from time to time, but they don’t realise how difficult it is to pull off this sort of manoeuvre in a Little Tikes car – it takes many, many years of dedication and training to master this sort of thing. Contrary to rumours that are flying around Internet forums, none of our drivers take part under the influence of alcohol, and we randomly test containers of SMA and Aptamil before and during every event that we organise.’