Will Southend Council's adapted liquid nitrogen spreaders bring wintry cheer to the children of the town?

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Residents in Essex have been warned to ‘wrap up warm’ after weather forecasters have predicted that Sunday night will be the coldest one felt in the county for more than six years. In certain mountainous areas of Essex, temperatures are set to plummet to -6°C, and council officials are adamant that they are well-prepared for anything that Mother Nature will be throwing at them.

After Southend Council received multiple complaints over their previous decision to take out an injunction that prevents snow from falling in the town, they are now pulling out all the stops to ensure that local children are able to play in the white stuff and build a snowman. Mervyn Smelt, council head of snow procurement, confirmed: ‘As tonight’s forecast is for rain, while the North is due snow, we have come up with a revolutionary new scheme to make sure that local children wake up to a covering of snow on Monday morning – the perfect start to a fantastic half-term holiday! Once the rain begins overnight, we have a fleet of 20 gritting vehicles that have been specially adapted to spray liquid nitrogen all over the roads, pavements and local parks. Once the rain comes into contact with our special solution, it will instantly turn to ice, and a fabulous Winter Wonderland awaits! To avoid any distress, injury or ‘freezing’ for pets, we would advise all Southend residents to keep their animals indoors this evening.

Meanwhile, Southend education chiefs have confirmed that ALL SCHOOLS will be ‘double closed’ in the event of the wintry conditions. Educational establishments are already shut for the half-term holiday, but the additional closure will mean that schools have the authority to remove non-pupil days from the future calendar to make up for any lost teaching time.

Over in Basildon, there are no plans to create any kind of snowy conditions, and potential UKIP MP Michael Union is using the council’s lack of action on the matter as a key platform for his campaign. He said: ‘Once again Basildon has seen absolutely no snow this winter, and the local council are taking no action to put this right – we have a situation where as a party UKIP will always be prepared to act. If at the next general election Basildon decides that it wants to become a UKIP constituency, our first order of business will be to prevent all non-UK nationals from living in the area. This has nothing to do with the economic pressures that come with mass migration, but more because it is a SCIENTIFIC FACT that immigrants from warmer climates always seem to bring the bloody weather with them. Is it merely a coincidence that Basildon hasn’t seen any snow since loads of them started turning up here? Of course it isn’t!’

Mr Union added: ‘Every immigrant from any country south of the UK will bring warmer and warmer weather with them, and they are robbing our children of the right to snow every single winter. Scandinavian nations are tough on immigration, and look at the amount of snow that they have! If I am elected to enter parliament on behalf of the good people of this town, I will do everything possible to keep immigrants out of Basildon – I will even encourage migration from Sweden, Norway, Denmark and Iceland just in case.’