Six members of a family from Westcliff On Sea are currently in hospital after a ‘minor disagreement’ over the Free Parking space quickly escalated into a violent and bloody brawl.
Neighbours of the Bulgarian Munibagz family in Fairfax Drive were forced to call the police shortly after 2pm this afternoon when ‘repeated noises of destruction’ were heard from up to TWELVE DOORS AWAY.
Nathan Chance lives next door with his three children, and he said: ‘We were trying to eat our Christmas dinner, when all of a sudden we heard someone scream ‘put the f*cking money on Free Parking will you!’
‘A lady then screamed: ‘bollocks everyone knows fines go straight in the bank. What are we? Animals?’
‘A few seconds later, the grandad came flying through the patio doors and there was glass everywhere. I thought last year’s Buckaroo incident was bad but this was something else.’
‘This commotion lasted for a good ten minutes. My Bulgarian is patchy at best, but I swear that I heard someone scream: ‘Call a doctor the top hat is stuck in my jap’s eye.’
‘By the time things had calmed down, you couldn’t move outside for ambulances. Waddington’s have a lot to answer for.’
A spokesperson for The UK Monopoly Commission confirmed that Free Parking-related deaths and serious injuries accounted for 65% of all December hospital admissions in 2015, with this year’s figure set to rise even further.
Sir Penton Vilroad of UKMC added: ‘It is vital for players to clarify all rules before the game begins. From Free Parking fine collections to underhand spontaneous quantitative easing, Monopoly only works properly when everyone knows exactly where they stand.’