A shameless mother and father from Belfairs Woods in Leigh On Sea have caused controversy in their local community by demanding a larger taxpayer-funded council house for their growing family – the scrounging couple already have eight children between the ages of four and four. Derek and Claire Pontipine admit that they have no intention of finding work to support their family, but they are both desperate to have another child and say that they have completely run out of space.

Dad Derek, 39, said: ‘Everyone else just turns up in this country with a massive family and they get chucked straight into a bloody mansion, and yet me and my wife have lived in this country our whole lives and we are squashed in here like sardines. I’m voting to leave the EU in the referendum so that proper British people like us get the treatment that we deserve. All other countries are hotter so I don’t understand why they can’t all just stay there, and having a bigger family is our human right as citizens of this country. If we could live somewhere bigger and better it would transform our lives – public transport here is crap as there is only one train a day and that doesn’t run until roughly 6.30 at night and it just goes round and round in bloody circles.’

Mum Claire, 38, added: ‘The people next door have eight kids as well, and they are the neighbours from hell – this is why we are demanding a move from the local council. They ring our doorbell all the time, and they have vanished by the time we answer the door. Also, whenever we are trying to relax peacefully at home, they are all dancing around in their front garden and taking the piss out of our own special family front lawn dance. Unless I am very much mistaken, I’m sure I heard them say that they vote BNP as well, and they have made terrible racist remarks to the Indian girl and the special needs family across the wood.’

A spokesperson for Belfairs Ward said: ‘The Pontipine family are welcome to apply to the local council for a home move, and we are aware of an anti-social behaviour problem in the area. Other residents keep reporting that one troublesome individual never seems to want to go to bed quietly and he just ends up in a boat outdoors at all hours.’