An urgent investigation has been launched after scientists viewing the broadcast of the FA Cup Final between Arsenal and Chelsea noticed that striker Diego Costa was constantly losing his kneecaps and falling to the floor like a total pussy.
Dr Thomas Daley of the University of South Benfleet is heading up the study, and he told our Chief Reporter that he has never seen anything so baffling in his career.
He said: ‘I can’t believe that the physio team at Chelsea hasn’t picked this up yet, but anyone can see that Costa loses his kneecaps and collapses to floor whenever anyone gets within ten feet of him.’
‘It’s a medical miracle. As soon as he has the ball at his feet he suddenly regains the ability to walk, kick, run and so on.’
‘We have been conducting research into Klinsmann Syndrome for a number of years now, and it appears that Costa could actually be the missing link that we have been looking for.’
A source at Chelsea rubbished these claims from Dr Daley, adding: ‘This is utter garbage on a number of levels. Diego was born with a condition which means that unlike most humans, his centre of gravity is located within his right ankle.’
‘He lives with this and handles it on a daily basis, but even the most basic tasks can prove to be nearly impossible. At training last week, a six-year-old girl approached him and asked for an autograph and he ended up in hospital.’
‘The fan has been suspended for a year.’