A spokesperson for the Royal Mint has apologised after it emerged that the British £2 coin contains a ‘tiny but significant’ amount of PIG SEMEN – this detail wasn’t originally made public when the coin was released in 1998. 

Royal Mint spokesperson Terence Hopper-Tipout added: ‘We have launched an urgent investigation to find out why this fact wasn’t made clear when the coins entered circulation.’

‘The outer ring of the £2 piece has a distinct brown colour as it is coated with a chemical compound called Splugen Bicarbonide, and around 11% of this ingredient is derived from dehydrated pig semen.’

‘The seminal fluid of the pig is used because it has a distinctly dark tint that adds to the two-tone effect of the coin. It is also one of nature’s most resilient varnishes as once it is applied to a surface it is virtually impossible to remove.’

‘Without the essence of this common farmyard animal, the coins would become unusable after around three months. The current design means that many years of service can be expected from each and every coin.’

‘Our only alternative was a synthetic equivalent called Titanuminium, but the high production costs would have forced us to charge £11.75 per £2 coin.’

The Chief Executive of nationwide campaign group Considerate Currency told our Chief Reporter that this is an ‘outrageous situation.’

Hermione Fairtrade-Wibblington added: ‘There is only a very small section of society who would usually expect to come into direct contact with pig semen, but as it is now perfectly clear there could be millions of people who have touched this disgusting substance.’

‘Couldn’t the Royal Mint just toss off a quorn instead?’