A complete and utter f*ckwit nobody from some reality TV show ten years ago has been telling Southend News Network that she is ‘incredibly excited’ about the launch of My Struggle – a double DVD set all about how she used to be fat and then lost loads of weight, before putting it all back on again. 

Madeline Narcisto-Lukimi, who famously came eleventh on Big Brother in 2006, told our Chief Reporter that the whole experience had been a ‘journey’ that both fat people and thin people should be able to identify with while browsing Amazon. 

Michelle said: ‘After Big Brother 2006 ended, I used my £250 appearance fee to buy a crate of Dairy Milk, Lambrini and Quavers – my weight ballooned to 17 stone and I have never felt worse about myself.’

‘No matter what I did, nothing worked. But then I tried eating less, doing some exercise and having a gastric band fitted – the weight dropped off.’

‘Within a year, I was back down to ten stone and I was approached to make a fitness DVD with a professional trainer. He has a six-pack, which was just as well as I have no personal training qualifications whatsoever.’

‘Unfortunately, I then used all of the royalties from the DVD to buy a warehouse in Southend, and I filled it up with Dairy Milk, Lambrini and Quavers – my weight ballooned back to 17 stone within a year.’

‘Luckily, I had a film crew with me the whole time, and they filmed my daily struggle. They have even added some sad music too to emphasise how much of a struggle the struggle has been – in many ways it was also like a journey.’

‘The great thing about the double DVD set is that you can watch them in any order. Whichever way round you watch My Struggle, you will realise that it has been a journey.’

‘I am considering becoming a crack addict next depending on how the sales go.’

Madeleine Narcisto-Lukimi’s ‘My Struggle’ is available now for £19.99. The limited edition ‘Journey Gift Tin’ set is on sale exclusively at ASDA for £29.99 and includes a sex tape with someone off Geordie Shore when she was at her skinny stage that ‘accidentally’ got out somehow.