Buckingham Palace has issued a full apology after a junior royal aide accidentally announced that Queen Elizabeth II had died on Thursday.
According to a palace source, the press release was sent out to all of the major news networks after the employee noticed that Her Majesty was sitting in her favourite armchair during Coronation Street with her head back and mouth wide open.
He added: ‘During the commercial break, an aide walked into her TV gallery with a cup of tea and three Hob Nobs, and she noticed that her majesty was in a position that we usually refer to in the palace as ‘catching flies.’
She immediately used the palace’s flash obituary protocol to alert all of the major news networks, when suddenly Her Majesty gave out a massive snort and lurched forward.
‘She just mumbled some sort of garbled sentence about gardening or embroidery, before asking if her mug of Horlicks was ready yet.’
‘We quickly issued a correction, but the story was already spreading like wildfire.’
‘Normally this sort of thing has to go through Her Majesty’s Chief of Staff Sir Henry Catt, but as he had popped off to the toilet for a couple of minutes she took it upon herself to contact the media.’
‘Come to think of it, someone really needs to put a password on the press alert system that we use.’
‘At the moment, it’s just a brown box with a red button on it – it’s even easier than triggering some sort of global nuclear annihilation.’