Artisan water from the Prittle Brook.

It may be a business idea that sounds like something from an episode of Only Fools and Horses, but one young entrepreneur from Leigh-On-Sea thinks that he has come up with the latest craze in artisan mineral water – Prittle Brook Water.

While working in his family’s Greek café in Leigh Road, Philip Toxoplasmosis,17, got a flash of inspiration while he watched all of the people passing with bottles of Evian, Volvic, Special Brew and other similarly expensive drinks.

He said, ‘People spend a crazy amount of money on water that is shipped in from all over the world, and cost aside every bottle has a large carbon footprint – consumers are so ethical these days that there is sure to be a demand for water that is sourced and packaged entirely within the borough of Southend.’

Mr Toxoplasmosis has organised extensive testing of the water, and he is confident that the quality of the drink offers a lot that simply cannot be found in competing products.

He continued, ‘Like all emerging mineral water brands, it has to go through stringent testing before it gets to market. So far, 100 people have tried it and reported back to me – some of them even regained their sight within four minutes.’

Along with a planning application for a bottling plant in Manchester Drive, another proposal has been put forward to install electrified fencing along the entire brook route from Thundersley to the mouth of the River Roach. At £2.99 for 500ml of the water, the family is concerned that local fans will simply ‘help themselves.’

The 500ml bottles can now be found in any Leigh food outlet where the owner looks like they are at risk of disappearing up their own backside, and Waitrose.

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