A spokesperson from Kensington Palace has confirmed that Prince George has been sent home early on his first day of school after a teacher noticed that he was wearing trousers that were not on the school’s approved list of uniform items.
According to a source at Thomas’ Battersea, the £17,000 per year private educational establishment, the prince’s chosen leg wear was ‘eight tenths of a shade lighter than jet black.’
He added: ‘Three cars arrived from Special Branch just after 9.30am and George Cambridge was bundled into one of them and taken home.’
‘The cars returned at 11.00am and Prince William marched back in with George before storming into the headteacher’s office.’
‘I could hear the row from my classroom. William bellowed: ‘Don’t you buggering well know who I am?’
‘He added: ‘This small child has the authority to have you all hung for treason, so wind your necks in for Christ’s sake.’
‘We’ve already agreed to build you a new pool complex – you can rest assured that that’s gone down the swanny now.’
According to another member of staff, the prince was initially put into isolation, but the thirteen members of the security squad that have to accompany him at all times made the whole thing ‘a bit pointless.’
Another parent remarked: ‘To be fair, I was disgusted when I saw what Prince George was wearing.’
‘He looked like something the cat had just dragged in.’
‘It’s unacceptable when you own a whole chain of school uniform outlets attached to branches of ASDA.’
The news was first revealed on Twitter by @alistaircoleman.