A pregnant woman from Southend On Sea in Essex has admitted that she is shocked after she had her 12-week scan and noticed that her baby was SMOKING. 

According to Michelle Garridge, who is 33, she is concerned that the developing foetus picked up the habit from her ‘good for nothing, Silk Cut puffing, waste of space’ ex-partner Jett.

She said: ‘I got the scan pictures and I couldn’t believe it.’

‘I asked the sonographer at Southend Hospital how my baby had managed to sneak a crafty one in there and she didn’t have an answer for me.’

‘It looks like a roll-up to be fair, but I’ve not been swallowing Rizla or nothing.’

‘I swear that it kicked an hour ago when it heard me say that I was thinking about booking a winter sun break outside of the European Union – would he or she qualify for their own duty-free allowance?’

‘This was supposed to be a happy day for me, and all I’ve been left with is a grainy photo of some kind of uterus with Serge Gainsbourg in there.’

A spokesperson for Southend Hospital said: ‘We are monitoring the situation closely, and have arranged for an audio recording of ‘I Can Make You Quit’ by Paul McKenna to be played through a special speaker attached to a Doppler device just in case.’

‘Naturally we would rather that the foetus was vaping instead, but recent research has showed that vape vapers grow up to be just as much of a dick as regular smokers.’